The last hurrah! Let's go out with a bang, Mr Humphrey Mlwane.
In terms of things that used to happen on the training ground, we used to have Thembinkosi Biyela (at Kaizer Chiefs) – I'm sure you remember him. So, he and the late Shakes Kungoane were put on a special diet programme by (Paul) Dolezar because of their weight. Every day when they reported for training, the first thing they had to do was to get on a scale and measure their weight, and they had to repeat this process after training. Ha, ha, ha, imagine… they had to do this every day. If one of them returned the following day and the numbers didn't match the previous day's, then he would have to do double work on the training pitch. According to Dolezar, any weight gain by the two guys was associated with eating too much pap. He would tell them, "I give your wife menu and I told her you must not eat pap." The poor guys were banned from eating pap. Manje (Now) it was very interesting the fact that every day when they came to training they had to go to the scale, as well as before they went home after training. You can imagine it was not nice for the two guys.
The real meaning of watching your weight…
The other thing is that we had two grounds at Naturena Village, and there was an exercise that we used to do on Mondays and Tuesdays. Dolezar used to call it "the footing". We knew that on those particular days we were not touching the ball. This is the 45-minute run I told you about in one of the previous instalments. Now, the ground we were running on was made up of four corners and obviously we had to reach all those corners during that exercise. However, Shakes and Biyela, because of their weight, would really struggle towards the end of the session. They would cut corners and literally run around in circles, ha, ha, ha. They turned that field into a mere centre circle, much to the irritation of Dolezar. When he had had enough of their laziness, he lashed out at them, "What are you doing? You cut the corner, I cut your money! Your money will also be round!" Ha, ha, ha. Bekaphilisana kabuhlungu (He was a pain) that man because one mistake you did, it was all about fine, fine, fine. As for the late Jeff Butler, we never had such issues. In terms of jokes, he was not too much into that, plus he could speak English better than Dolezar, uyabona (you see)? With him, there were no dramatic actions that would lead to the players having a giggle. He was always in serious mode, but yena he was a good leader in terms of motivation.
But let's be honest, you seemed to be one of the Serbian's trusted soldiers, almost like his adopted son. If one mentions Humphrey Mlwane today, the first response would be, "Oh yeah, Paul Dolezar's favourite player!"
Eish, I don't know if it was love or kanjani (what), because the way I see it, he was distracting me. Because when a person is always distracting you, especially in serious situations… I always felt like I was overworked or he was distracting me – one of the two. Sometimes you would find ukuthi (that) I was in a certain position… Okay, most of the time he was always telling me not to leave the centre, but there were times when I found opposition players doubling up on the side and then I had to go there. So, he was distracting me because I could not stand in one position and say, "I'm staying here, I'm waiting for someone to come here." What if that person I'm waiting for goes via another route? You must remember that Thabo (Mooki) and the late Thabang (Lebese) were not good defensive, angisho (right)?, and I had to make sure that I still covered the people they were supposed to keep an eye on. So, mina I don't know if maybe it's love, that when someone is always shouting at you he loves you, ha, ha, ha. I didn't think of it that way. The only thing on my mind was that hey maan uyangiphazamisa (man, he was distracting me) most of the time because I also wanted to be free and do the jobhe had assigned me to do. After all, most of the time I was always assigned to do this and do that, then I had to change the way I was playing at (Moroka) Swallows. But we were not fighting, it was not a fight as such, but yena maybe he believed that I could do that job better than the others. Perhaps that's why he was on my case all the time, telling me to remain in that position. But because I was playing under him, I think he saw potential because sometimes coaches have their preferences. We cannot run away from that.
Tell us about the practice of smoking back then. Did it happen a lot? After all, there were no random tests conducted?
Ja, kakhulu (too much) because u Dolezar bekangu (was a) kleva, he could see ukuthi who was smoking in the team and who wasn't. They were smoking in the corners. It was Shakes, Lifa (Gqosha) and the "top player" I told you about last week. People wouldn't believe it if you were to tell them that the "top player" was smoking. One time, Dolezar caught Shakes and Lifa when we were going to play in Mthatha. I think they had gone out. After that, the coach called a meeting on the spot. After he had done his team talk, he told the rest of the players, "I catch these two players, they were smoking." Pointing at Shakes, he said, "You smoke? That's why you can't run because you kill the lungs! I kick you out!" He didn't put him in the line-up that day. To top it off, he said, "I find this man smoking! I smoke his money!" That could only mean a fine was unavoidable, ha, ha, ha. Do you remember Bra "Bizzah" (Dlamini)?
Yes, yes, the late great Michael "Bizzah" Dlamini. Prolific striker in his heyday and a Khosi to the core. We remember the time he was assistant to Dolezar from 1997 to 1999…
He was quite a character and would sometimes disapprove of Dolezar's tactics, especially when we were under pressure or we were trailing towards the end of the game. So, he would tell us, "Uyahlanya lo mlungu maan, nina dlalani ibhola lase lokishini. Ayikho lento ayikhulumayo, ukhuluma umbhedo (This mlungu is mad, just play football from the location. What he's saying is nonsense, utter nonsense)." Ha, ha, ha. He was a true Zulu guy and you know how Zulu guys can be bossy, having the courage of their convictions. I'm telling you, I met a lot of interesting characters in the game. Like, Neil (Tovey) was a leader, but they (he and Dolezar) were always fighting. However, the good thing about them is that they would fight today and the following day they would be on good terms. Dolezar could fight anyone.
Sure.
I remember one situation where "Banda" (Lebese) ashayisa umuntu (knocked over a pedestrian) while driving his BMW somewhere in Orlando. Some people came and explained what Thabang had done. Ey, Dolezar, ha, ha, ha! He said, "This man! I always talk with this man! This man, he always driveat night and now he kill a person! This family will kill this man too and now I don't have player anymore." Ha, ha, ha. They said the person was staying at a hostel, but I'm not sure which hostel, whether in Orlando or elsewhere. Dolezar said, "The family is kill the player, and where is Thabang? Thabang is dead now. And I need this player." You would have laughed if you were there, even though the situation was quite sad, because his English was just something else. His command of the Queen's language was even worse after he had just arrived at the club. I remember this one instance when somebody said something to him and now he wanted to say, "Same to you." Instead, he said, "Same same!" Ha, ha, ha, what a good laugh we had when he said that!
Ha, ha, ha. Hopefully one of these days we manage to locate Dolezar and do a proper throwback with him. Humphrey, it's been great, but most importantly, it's been real. People like you, who are honest, funny and humble, all in one go, are a rare breed. Never change. All the best in your coaching career, Legend.
No, akuna (no) stress, ngiyabonga (thank you).
STILL IN TOUCH FUN FACTS
First paycheque: R2 500
Biggest bonus: R30 000 for winning the Rothman's Cup
Opponent I respected the most: Roger Feutmba
Team I would have loved to play for: Orlando Pirates
Favourite PSL player right now: Teboho Mokoena
Best coach I played under: Jeff Butler Paul Dolezar
Craziest request from a fan: It was just requests for T-shirts, mostly
