Soccer Laduma's 'In Touch' 'Still In Touch' feature has been a fan favourite for almost two decades in Soccer Laduma's weekly newspaper.
Millions of readers turn to it first each week to read the crazy stories that Mzansi's former players tell and to see current soccer stars dish the dirt on their teammates and coaches.
Over the years, together with our readers, we have laughed uncontrollably and gasped with disbelief at stories that have never been told before!
Due to the incredible success and reading pleasure over the years and the timeless nature of this incredible content, Soccer Laduma has dug through the archives to bring back to life some of the gems you may have missed, or simply want to re-read and share with your friends.
This week, we look back to 12 November 2014 in issue number 897, where former Benoni Premier United midfield maestro July Mahlangu enthralled us with incredibly hilarious stories about their former club boss, the charismatic Dumisani Ndlovu, and all the trouble they gave him as players. Mahlangu goes on to reminisce about an instance where his life was on the line. A brilliant must-read!
I came there as a kid and I learnt a lot. Katlego Loke was so funny. He grew up at Orlando Pirates academy, so there were so many stories we heard from him because he was in that group of Benedict Vilakazi and Joseph Makhanya. There were so many funny incidents. I remember one day we were playing in Tembisa, but I'm not sure against who. After the game, the chairman (Dumisani Ndlovu) gave us a talk and then went on to ask our coach, Sonas Malope, what he had to say. For whatever reason, he didn't know that we'd lost 1-0. He said, "Gents, thank you. Even though we didn't play well, at least we came away with a point." Ha, ha, ha, we were all like, "Which game was he watching?"
I also had fun at Thanda Royal Zulu, playing with Japie Motale. He'd make you laugh! One time he told us that he'd given his two-year-old child, who attended crèche, a mandate to speak English by the end of that year or else he wouldn't buy him a bicycle. Ha, ha, ha, can you imagine?
Our chairman was also something else. We had a striker from Nigeria, Obinna Okafor. We hadn't received our salaries. Obinna went to the office, but couldn't find the chairman. We were training in the afternoon and the chairman was going to be there. When he drove through the gate, he noticed that Obinna was running at the back, as a sign of displeasure for the non-payment. Hey, my man! The chairman got onto the field, folded his shirt and trousers and we started running. He kept saying he was not a charity organisation. He screamed, "You can't come all the way from Nigeria and think things are for free!?"
Yes, Tsepo Masilela, Masixole 'Mara' May and I grew up there. We spent about seven or so years there. Now, let me tell you about Mara. He was never a skillful player, but he was intelligent. That boy was exceptional. He had five SIM cards and used them on one phone. I remember he once bought a Toyota Conquest from me. We stayed near Daveyton and he was the first player to fill up his tank at the garage for R15.50. He'd tell us, "I work on a budget. I'll reach Daveyton and come back with this petrol," but he'd be broke long before month-end. This one time he went to Daveyton and left me with Masilela and Ndlovu's kids watching TV. All of a sudden we heard the sound of screeching car tyres outside. He had been pulled over and he did not have a driver's licence. He was driving slowly and the policemen overtook him. They realised he may disappear, so they waited for him, but he sped past them and drove home. He got out of the car and sped off into a nearby bush. Masilela and I drove around trying to look for him that day and we eventually got hold of him on his phone. He couldn't believe that the cops had left and he thought we were trying to get him arrested. He slept in that bush and only came home at 04h00.
I knew how to drive, but I didn't drive regularly. At Ndlovu's place there were plenty of cars and you'd just find keys lying around. There was this guy who would go on errands using the cars. One day Mara wanted to go and buy dagga, but he couldn't drive. Masilela also couldn't drive. Mara asked me to take one of the cars and go with him. I asked him, "But what about the driver?" Mara went to a nearby shebeen to buy four beers for the guy. The guy drank three of them and got really drunk! We then jumped into the car… I was driving and I didn't have a licence. We were driving down all these dodgy roads when the car got stuck in some mud. We couldn't get it out! We were still trying to push the car out of the mud around midnight when a few gunshots went off. We hid. Yho, it was scary! Ha, ha, ha, Masilela was the first to phone his mother, saying, "Mama, if you hear tomorrow that I died, you must know that I died in Daveyton." All this time I was panicking because I didn't know what Ndlovu's reaction was going to be. Then a call came in. It was Ndlovu...
I picked up and he said, "July!" I answered, "Yebo, bhuti…" He asked, "Nikuphi (Where are you)?" I had to tell him the truth that we were stuck in Daveyton. He told me, "Last time I told you to drive you said you couldn't. Now you've taken the car and driven around in Daveyton at night. If anything happens to you, I'm accountable." The actual driver also got a tongue-lashing and then called us. We told him to come with a bigger car to get us out of the mud. Would you believe it, he came with a small car and while trying to pull out our car, his got stuck as well. Nearby there was a house that sold coal and there were trucks parked outside. Thankfully they were willing to rescue us on condition that we left our phones there and, when we had money, we'd go back to pay them and get the phones back. When we got to Ndlovu's place in the early hours of the morning, we washed the two cars. Ndlovu was going to arrive later that day and, bro wam... Mara and I had already packed our bags. We knew Ndlovu could be aggressive. We told ourselves that we'd leave in case he beats us up, ha, ha! But, much against our expectations, he only warned us.
I remember one time I got a girlfriend, but she didn't tell me her other boyfriend was in jail. We were playing Golden Arrows in Durban on Saturday and this guy was being released that Thursday. He must have heard that there was someone going out with his girl. I don't know how he got my numbers and, after we beat Arrows 5-0, I checked my phone and saw so many missed calls from one number. I called it back and the guy said, "Mamela, outhi yam, ngiyakubona udlal' ibhola. Ungidlalela kamnandi (Listen, my man, I see you play football. In fact I like the way you play). But please, when you get to the airport, phone me." I said, "Hey wena, what's so special about you? Why should I call you?" He replied, "Hey wena! Ungazong'phaphela, otherwise mina ngizokuphul' amathambo ngikudubule naleyi nyawanyana zakho (Don't be so forward, or else I'll break your bones and shoot you in your little feet)." Sensing the seriousness of the situation, I said to him, "Please tell me who you are and what's happening." He said, "Angifun' ukukhuluma niks (I don't want to talk at all). When you get to the airport, just call me." I told the guys about it and they just said, "Ag, leave him alone. He's your fan. He's happy." We got on to the flight and, after we landed in Jozi, I switched on my phone and saw a message from the guy, saying, "I know you've parked your car at the airport." He mentioned the registration number of my car!
He then told me where I'd find him in Daveyton. I told Masilela we must exchange cars, but I didn't tell him why. That Saturday, there was a 21st birthday party and we were invited. I suggested Masilela and the other guys go first. Masilela and I had blonde hair. When they got there, u Masilela bambamba ngama washing (they grabbed Masilela by his clothing), as they thought he was me. One of their guys told them it wasn't me. Our guys phoned me and told me, "Don't ever come near here." I was still sitting at home, confused, when I saw a car pulling in outside the gate. The car dropped someone off and then it pulled away… the person was that chick. She hadn't told me she was coming, but the guy had told me he knew about my relationship with the girl. I wanted to go and drop her off at her house because I didn't want trouble, but she refused. At around 02h00, I went to drop her off and, in the very same street, those guys were sitting in a VW Golf, waiting. Bhuti wam, I was jumping humps at 60km/h, ha, ha, ha! There were gunshots going off and they were following me.
The sad part of it is that the following morning I heard she was in hospital and when I went to visit her, I could see she'd had quite a beating from the guy. But the funny part, though, is that guy and I ended up being friends. He found out this was the famous July Mahlangu, and from then he came to watch our games. He'd even ask for match tickets from me. I'd give him the tickets, but through a third party since I was still scared of him. This one day he came to watch us against Tukkies. We were trailing 2-0 and we came back to win 3-2. I'd scored two of the goals. After the match he told me, "Hayi, wena, uyimpintshi yami (Hey, you're my friend)!" I never used to hang out with him, though, because I never really trusted him. I thought it would be safer if we were just friends at a distance, ha, ha, ha.
Best player I've ever faced: Teko Modise Shoes Moshoeu
Best player I've played with: Masixole May
Biggest pay cheque: R40 000
Smallest pay cheque: Can't remember
Former team that used the most muti: None
Favourite current player: Andile Jali
Current occupation: Coaching
Former teams: Benoni Premier United, Black Leopards, Thanda Royal Zulu
