Peter: Ace, Banks, alive … and kicking!
Ace: Cool and howdy!
Banks: For sure.
Peter: A Soccer Laduma reader requested some Screamer Tshabalala stories.
Ace: Screamer, what a character!
Banks: Ha, ha, ha. One of the funniest and most talkative guys I have ever met.
Peter: There are no flies on Screamer - he's a survivor and a fighter. You don't pull the wool over Stanley's eyes. He's been around for too long.
Ace:There are so many stories about Screamer. He was there from the start, when Kaizer Chiefs was formed. And he's still involved in the game now at the highest level. There are very few people who can claim that.
Banks: Make no mistake, when Stanley "Screamer" Tshabalala was around, there was never a dull moment, ha, ha.
Peter: Okay, let's hear some Screamer stories.
Banks: I remember this one, ha, ha, it's about the time Screamer and our old striker Shaka Ngcobo got into a fight with the police.
Ace: Ha, ha.
Peter: The police!
Banks: Ja, you see Shaka and Screamer were out partying at the Dairy Den one early evening and the cops were called to get them to keep quiet. Screamer and the cops got into an argument and the next thing the police started to beat the hell out of Shaka and Screamer.
Ace:But Screamer is a helluva tough guy and he got in some good punches as well. The trouble was that there were too many cops and they managed to get Screamer and Shaka into the back of the police van. Then one of the cops let a police dog into the back of the van as punishment and that dog made a meal of both Screamer and Shaka.
Peter: Oh no, that's terrible.
Ace: Eish, those were the times.
Banks: Then with all the fighting going on in the van when the cops came in to get the dog out, Shaka managed to escape. He ran like the wind. I think he was trying to run back to Zululand because he saw that the cops let the dog loose and it was chasing poor Shaka … like Shaka was the dog's last meal on earth.
Ace: Ha, ha.
Peter: What happened next?
Banks: Poor Shaka managed to run through some bushes and thorns, and somehow he escaped the dog. Much later that evening, while we were all at Kaizer's house eating our meal, we saw Shaka at the window.
Ace: Shaka's eyes were wide and his face was so frightened. He looked wild and scared. His clothes were all torn and you could see that he had been running for a very long time.
Banks: We quickly opened the door and got him something to drink and asked him what the hell had happened. Shaka told us that they were chatting up some girls at the Dairy Den near Uncle Charlie's. The next thing the girls' boyfriends got upset and a big fight broke out. The owner called the police. Shaka told us about the dog and how he managed to escape, and how he never stopped running until he got back to Kaizer's place.
Ace: Ha ha, poor Shaka, he was still so new to Jo'burg, he was ready to go straight back to KwaZulu-Natal. Jo'burg was too much for him.
Banks: We asked him what happened to Screamer. Poor Shaka said that while he was running, all he could hear were Screamer's screams coming from inside the police van.
Peter: Shame!
Ace: Ja but Screamer's a very strong guy, he could look after himself.
Peter: Still, what happened to poor Stan the Man?
Banks: Ewert knew everyone, even the police. He started making phone calls, demanding to know what had happened to Screamer. Then about 30 minutes later a police car arrived at Kaizer's place and the police brought in Screamer.
Peter: How was he?
Ace: Very much assaulted.
Banks: Screamer looked like he had been in a fight with a lion, Mike Tyson and a pack of dogs - all at the same time!
Ace: But Stanley got his revenge.
Peter: How?
Banks: Stanley knew a girl at that Dairy Den and he started taking us there all the time. She used to give us all we wanted for free and Screamer used to say, "This is for calling the police, thank you very much."
Ace: He also found out who the policemen were that beat him and he got his revenge there as well, but that's another story.
Peter: Screamer, what a guy, a true character and a great left hook as well ha, ha. Well, gents, it's time to go now. Just remember to take it easy …
Banks Ace: Just like Sunday morning!
