Heita, Thabiso. So, what's this 'stupid thing' you almost did, which you promised to tell us about in last week's edition?
I still remember the article you guys ran on this, which was the first time Soccer Laduma was interviewing me. The story was about the fake driver's licence, my man, before this one that I have now. This one is real!
Fake driver's licence!?
I nearly lost everything because of that. I never knew anything… You know this obsession with buying a car when you are a professional soccer player, it's a huge thing. So, I just wanna tell everyone hore (that) they must go to a driving school, otherwise they will see themselves at Grootvlei Prison or Kgosi Mampuru Prison. Imagine a helicopter being used to search for a wanted person, only for people to find out that the 'wanted person' was actually Thabiso Hlalele, ha, ha, ha. Yho!
Ha, ha, ha, this seems like an interesting story. What exactly happened?
I went to get a loan at the bank. I remember at the time I was still dating a woman from Durban, and I tagged her along that day. Long story short, I left that lady inside that Standard Bank branch and the helicopter was still hovering above. Yho! Yho! Yho! In South Africa, we had the likes of Gift Leremi and Tlou Segolela, and those guys have never been chased by a helicopter. I'm the only one, ha, ha, ha. Hey monna! I just wanna forget about that thing.
All good and well, but we still want to know what happened because some might learn something from your story, you see…
They must go to a driving school and do their learner's licence and then their driver's licence. There will be no problems if you go that route.
Sound advice, but the question stands.
This thing of being a celebrity, and then you just 'buy' people. To make matters worse, that deal was done at night, mf'ethu (my brother). A friend of mine had introduced me to this one guy because I had told him, "I want a licence, but I'm lazy to go to a driving school. What am I supposed to do?" My friend said, "No, ngizoku hlanganisela (I'm going to make it happen for you), mf'ethu. The guy is from Jo'burg, and then you will give him half (of the amount he's charging) and then the other half after you get your licence." Then I was like, "But what about the learner's licence?" He told me, "Hayi uphethe yonk' into mfana (No, he's a jack of all trades, brother)!" I was so excited when I heard those words and was like, "This guy must be ntja ya (a top dog of the) game." I told my friend, "Money is not a problem. Bring this guy here right now." Only to find out I would be scammed of R3 000, just like that. I was given something that resembled a student card, and I wouldn't have known this because this was my first time having a 'licence' in my possession, let alone seeing it. So, I was like, "I'm going to get the money (loan) at the bank tomorrow so I can get the car." However, the worst was still to come.
Hmmm…
I went to Standard Bank with my girlfriend and a white guy there helped me. He asked me, "How can I help you?" I said, "I want a vehicle loan." He then asked me to give him my licence, to which I did. He had a careful look at it, and then he was like, "I am coming back just now." Too bad for me because he was off to call the helicopter, ha, ha, ha.
That time you thought he had gone to make a photocopy of your licence.
Yeah, I thought he was going to get it approved so I could get the money. Yho! Amadlozi ami (My ancestors) told me, "Run wena, run!" You know, I left that lady there, I just told her, "I'm coming back now." When I got outside, I ran like nobody's business! I could see the police helicopter hovering above, and I was like, "There's no way you are catching me." Along the way, I saw a taxi, and I opened its door, went inside and said, "Driver, let's go!"
Hectic, ha, ha, ha. We bet you never heard from that guy again.
Never! R3 000 gone forever! And I was not alone anyway. I was with other players, whom I won't mention by name, and they also wanted to have licences. It was worse with them because they went to Jo'burg to meet that guy, and he ended up robbing them to the tune of R6 000 each player. From that day onwards, I vowed never to make that mistake again.
So you went the legal route after that episode?
Ja, no, ke monate (I'm all good), ngwaneso. It's valid, ha, ha, ha. Eish, I nearly went to jail.
Maybe the guy capitalised on this notion that soccer players don't have matric, so they can be easily duped.
Ja, ja, ja, and you find that English is a problem sometimes. You won't believe that these are things that people are doing to other people out there. It's a dog-eat-dog world.
But we imagine you still had a lot of explaining to do to your girlfriend, ha, ha.
She was busy calling me and asking, "Where are you?" She had been visiting me at the time. I told her that a taxi was going to come and fetch her, she mustn't move an inch. That I was going to explain everything when I got home. I had to go to the police station to hand myself in, and I went there with one of my guys who was a lawyer. They took my fingerprints, and then he spoke to them. After that, I was free to go, but I had to pay a certain amount.
To the guy or to the police?
There at the police station. It was a charge. They warned me that I mustn't do it next time. That's how the case ended. When I got home, I then told my girlfriend that I had bought a licence, only to find that it was not valid, so now I had to run, otherwise I was going to get arrested. She was so shocked that I was also doing these things instead of going the legal route. But in the end, she understood.
Good. Let's move on…
The funny thing is that after Black Leopards gave me my clearance, I was supposed to go to Santos. On my way to Cape Town, when I got to the airport, Andrew Rabutla came to me and told me Jomo Sono wang'batla (wants me). I asked him, "Where did you get my number? Or how do you know the time I would be at the airport?" He said, "Thabiso, you don't know. Ke (It's) South Africa monna." I was in shock. Santos had bought me a flight ticket to go to Cape Town, but after meeting Rabutla, I wanted to hear what Jomo had on the table. He gave me a two-year contract and a nice signing-on fee. They also promised to put me in a townhouse where I would be staying all by myself, which was a far cry from my time in Makhado, where I was staying in some room.
I decided there and then that I was staying as I saw this as an opportunity to change my life. Townhouse, baby! For the first time I was going to be getting that kind of money, from Jomo Sono, and so I decided to stay. Then Santos started calling. They were asking, "What's happening? Where are you, my friend?" I was like, "You will see in the papers that I'm no longer going to Cape Town." But Jomo was a good man. One of the funniest guys in the world. Whether you were from somewhere around Africa or were South African, he didn't have that thing that you are a Zulu or practiced racism and stuff. Usually, when you are new to a team, the other players will isolate themselves from you and speak in their own language. You know, when you are loyal to a team, you will play there for 10 years and thereafter they will discard you. But when you move around clubs, you have that thing. Even your life changes because you have learned a lot of cultures. Whereas for those who had spent a long time at one club, if they move from Limpopo to Cape Town, for example, it becomes difficult. Loyalty sometimes kills other people.
That's some food for thought. Thabiso, let's do it again next week.
Sure, my man.
By Lunga Adam
STILL IN TOUCH FUN FACTS
First paycheque: R1 500 at Free State Stars
Biggest bonus: R1 000 a game at Jomo Cosmos
Opponent I respected the most: None
Team I'd have loved to play for: Mamelodi Sundowns
Favourite PSL player right now: Katlego Maphathe
Best coach I played under: Boebie Solomons Jomo Sono
Craziest request from a fan: None really
