Monday mornings are always tough for Lihle Manzi*, a 32-year-old senior developer.
Walking into the office, she often has no idea of the kind of day to anticipate because her boss’ moods are erratic. When it’s a bad day, there’ll be screaming, shouting, threatening of firing and public declarations of incompetency.
“He once kicked three of us out of the office,” she recalls. “But, in his fury, hadn’t explained if it was for the whole day or just a couple of hours. We were terrified. So, we sat in the cafeteria until home time in case he changed his mind and wanted us to work the rest of the day.”
Her department has high attrition because of its head, Manzi says. Currently desperately looking for another job, she’s worried that the current economic state in the country may make it difficult.
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Though it is a tough and unfair situation to be in, life and career coach Slindokuhle Chuene says it is possible to make it more bearable and, perhaps one day, even more positive.
She offers the following tips:
1. Determine the problem
There are many different reasons why bosses can become disagreeable. Understanding why they behave like this doesn’t justify their behaviour, rather, it can empower and guide how you respond to them. If the outbursts are occasional, see if there is a pattern behind the behaviour such as if they occur most often around payroll, month end or just before board meetings.
Knowing this means you can be on high alert, and ensure impeccable delivery leading up to times of high stress.
“Your managers have their own fears, concerns and frustrations. When they aren’t able to maturely deal with these, they’re likely to take it out on whoever is nearby and an easy target,” Chuene explains.
They evaluate your work and perhaps could give you a raise or promotion. So, you will likely have to do some delicate balancing to maintain a functional relationship, even when your boss makes this difficult.
Other reasons behind fractious interactions could be a personality clash or personal problems such as a sickly loved one. Some bosses, however, are poorly equipped for managing. And, there’s little you can do to change or improve but just to abide as long as you can while looking for alternate options.
While you’re there, also try to ascertain the drivers and motivators that are meaningful to your boss.
“In order to manage your relationship with your manager, figure out what they care about. Supporting them in achieving their objectives can contribute towards an improved working relationship,” Chuene adds.
2. Set boundaries
No matter the pressures in their corporate or personal lives, verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse are not acceptable. No amount of pressure or stress is justification for an employee to be mistreated. If you feel like your boss is taking advantage and being abusive, speak to HR and a trusted adviser or mentor in the company.
“Being honest about what you’re going through will also help ensure that you are not engaging in self-defeating behaviour such as stone-walling, counter-attacking or bad-mouthing your boss,” Chuene advises.
Working through your own emotions will also help you articulate them. If ever you need to tell your boss how the mistreatment affects your work, it’ll be helpful to use clear language and specific anecdotes. Hearing this may be just the push your boss needs to make positive adjustments. Another important aspect of setting boundaries is personal ethics.
Knowing how to communicate with your boss can help reduce friction. If you’re new to working with them, consider asking these questions upfront. However, keep in mind that their responses are not fixed; they may be circumstantial.
For a longer-term working relationship, think over the conversations that have gone well and try to ascertain what you can glean to apply in the future. If a pattern starts emerging that perhaps your boss responds better via e-mails than in person, shift more of your communication in response.
Here are questions to ask yourself or boss to guide a happier workplace for you both:
Does my boss prefer to listen to or read updates?
Some people process better through audio. They may want to hear information first, and then possibly read about it later. On the other hand, readers prefer to see a written account before a discussion.
When I need to update them, do they want details or an overview? Do they prefer specific in-depth facts and figures or a general overview?
Knowing their preference means you can determine whether to focus on the main salient points or to delve deeper.
Should I give them regular updates or only when necessary?
If a specific project doesn’t have a set calendar for updates, you’ll need to figure out the frequency that will work best for your boss. Some people like to stay in the loop even when their input or feedback isn’t critical. Others may prefer check-ins sporadically or when absolutely required.
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Project manager Atlehang Sedibe* joined a new company two years ago and soon realised that her colleagues did whatever it took to get ahead. She made it immediately clear that she wasn’t going to play political games, cross ethical lines or compromise her character. At times, her boss would push her to focus on the outcome rather than the process.
“She pretty much instructed me to purposefully withhold important information from a client. When I said I would rather not attend the meeting, she was furious. I was bullied and targeted for a few weeks after that. It was hard.”
Sedibe recalls that her boss’s attention eventually moved off her, but during this time she had to excel and over-deliver with all her work functions.
“I set boundaries around what I wasn’t willing to do, but then tried to show that I was willing to extend myself by meeting deadlines, being well-prepared for meetings and just generally trying to show my value to the company.”
It’s important to keep a positive attitude even when work has become a negative environment. Make suggestions, offer solutions and still show up as best as you can. This will not only aid job security, but may help you learn from testing times.
3. Celebrate the calm
However infrequent this may be, when your boss is not being a tyrant, reinforce their positive behaviour. You can do this without highlighting the bad behaviour by sharing what works.
For example, “that was a really great brainstorming session. Your jokes really helped get us all into the right spirit” or “thanks for your response to my e-mail. It was detailed and clear, and I feel like I know exactly what you’re expecting from me”.
Encouraging your boss when they are being good can help them see how much more pleasant the office environment can be. Dwelling on these good times may also help boost your emotions and endurance, Chuene adds.
“Work isn’t just about tasks and deliverables. It’s also about relationships. Maintaining good relationships requires work. For all its challenges and frustrations, we spend so much time there that it really does impact our overall lives. It’s worth doing the relationship management work to ensure that when we’re not in the office physically, our minds and hearts are also not there.”
*Not their real names
